30 Days From Now

I relapsed. Not too badly to begin with, just a wine here or there, then turned into half a bottle a night and then I started going out and getting pissed. That was last night. I found myself sitting in a nightclub, drunk, unable to hear anyone speak, miserable.

Woke up this morning, cried my eyes out and called the drug and alcohol line. He made me feel so much better. I told him I wanted to go to rehab and he explained that they are all really hard to get into around this time of year, and i’d have to be patient. He asked me when I drink and I told him at night. He asked me how much, I told him a lot. I said I needed to stop straight away, and he said I would need will power until I can get into a detox system. I also have a job and it’s a contract job until Christmas. So he encouraged me to join a gym with the money that i’d spend on alcohol. A nice gym, with a pool, and a spa, and a cafe and to spend every night there until I am so exhausted that I need to go home. I told him I’m an artist and work at night, he told me to go to bed early, wake up early, and work in the mornings instead. 

So i’m off to join the gym, I feel amazing, this man made me feel so inspired and strong, he said I can call at anytime, as it’s a 24 hour line. I’m going to get through this. I’m going to try his advice. I cried so much when we hung up the phone. He might have saved me. We’ll see. 

21. Practice the arts. Paint, draw, sculpt, sing, dance. Etc.

22. See a therapist.

23. Work on a puzzle.

24. Connect with someone else who is hurting.

25. Start a project that is bigger than yourself.

26. Revisit an old hobby.

27. Teach someone something. (Anything!)

28. Learn something new each day. (Anything!)

29. Write in a daily journal.

30. Stretch yourself spiritually by suspending disbelief for a day.

31. Write a letter to your addiction where you say farewell to it.

This last month has been incredibly painful. Grandpa died, my girlfriend left me, uni finished for the year, and my band has broken up. I did however get a job, a menial one, but a job! I have been holding onto my ex since we split. I went interstate twice to avoid thinking of her. Tonight she told me I’m a horrible person and wishes she never met me, mainly because I tried to organise my friend to collect my things and stopped talking to her. So I told her to keep my things. Fuck ‘things’, all I need is internal strength, and that will get me through this. She can keep all the valuable things I left at hers, it means nothings. 

So now I’m back. And I’m going to make some serious changes, starting tomorrow. I will survive! x